My God

My God,

Is my faith,

Is my worship,

Is my religion,

Is my love,

Is my friend,

Is my body,

Is my soul,

Is my heart,

Is my life,

Is my goal,

Is my aim,

Is my dream,

Is my path,

Is my promise,

Is my memories,

Is my passion,

Is my eyes,

Is my spark,

Is my mosque,

Is my temple,

Is my church,

Is my direction,

Is my connection,

Is my medicine,

Is my security,

Is my companion,

Is my happiness,

Is my sadness,

Is my isolation,

Is my gathering,

Is my everything,

Is my peace,

Is my harmony,

Is my fight,

Is my success,

Is my soil,

Is my sky,

Is my angel,

Is my defender,

Is my mother,

Is my father,

Is my sister,

Is my brother,

Is my world,

Is my universe,

Is my food,

Is my water,

Is my air,

Is my and only mine..

God is everything..

God is with me.

God is with us.

Relationships

Relationships,what are they?who are they?why are they made?for whom are they made?

are they forever?do they always remain yours?what is their existance?are they close?

are they far?who unites them?who destroys them?why break them?why love them?why care for them?is their need necessary?why hate them?who lives in them?why call them?is their closeness real?are they an anxiety?are they beautiful?are they perfect?why do we pray for them?why do we hold them?what are their qualities?what are their flaws?what is their role in our lives?how curious is our need for them?is it that important?

are we so dependable on them?do they know they are wanted?are they devils?are they angels?why do we get possesive about them?why do we sometimes want them dead?

All these questions are always roaming in our minds..

but the answers are a mystery,

for me and maybe for u too,

and this is when i call us and me humans..

this is the human mind..

never satisfied,

always wanting more and more..

sometimes material and sometimes answers..

so i ask u,WHAT ARE RELATIONSHIPS?

Dont know why

Dont know why,but as days pass i feel like i am getting so small,so small in the eyes of the mirror,so small in the eyes of god and everyone..
haha its like those times of ones lives when things are normal yet complex,
and then you want to make that complex things simple and straight and understand why life plays such games?am i suppose to be playing on with it?
or can i quit?of course i cant,if i dont play then why must i live?if i play then i must have the courage to also tell my soul that come on i will win some day and one day i will solve those puzzels that life gives me frequently,and i shall succeed,
as time goes by,as seasons take turns i try to absorb all those shivers and talks,
one thing i noticed,we never grow up,we are not suppose to be called adults,
we are children,small children,big ones and then the oldest children,
but we remain as children,
our love,respect,faith,need,wants and motives are always to want want and want,
we eat like children,dream like children and even work like them,
though one must be thinking that i am mature and sober,
but no thats just the anxiety within us to prove to others that we are old enough,big enough and tough enough to be alone and independent,
but i lack to understand,why must be prove?
cant be like children which we are and stay innocent and fragile and make us realise that we are not yet tough and big that we make our own decisions and prove it,cause who proves he's right is never sure of his intensity..

2010

Here i come again,
2010 is here my friends,
unbelievable how 2009 came and went,so fast like always but this time there was something else to my theory,i always say that time flies and so do we,
always doing new things flying from end of the city back to home from a daily routine,
2010 came and i was very happy to the fact that a new year means a new pattern,a new theme,many new news,many new events and many new people to meet,
my birthday is one event which i adore,it falls in the first month of the year,January..
this year i turned 17,a age making me go near to a new phase of life and responsiblities..
i call this age an age of thought and go..
why?
its an age where u need to think and then make a go or else one can be ready for ups and downs..
coming back to my topic,
2010 has started and what a start..
everywhere there is something new being planned,made and decided..
futures of countries,economies,societies and people are being made by everyone,
so i asked myself what role are these things playing on me?
am i prepared?
yes i am..
of course i am..
cause afterall its now that life has just began,taking a new turn and giving me hints and clues of what to say,do and think about..
i ask u,are u prepared too?

childhood

the fragrance in those letters i kept in those diaries under my cupboard so that no one could see my feelings and neither would anyone understand them,they were those feelings and dreams i wished for at my window on rainy days and dark blue nights,

my childhood is a big question and a non-stop trail,a journey,a big clock a whole lot of systems running in me,

my childhood is in those doll houses i made,in those puzzle books i matched,in those pebbles i collected and lost them the next day,in those playgrounds i played on early afternoon and got wet on slides when it rained,in those little little excitements which thrilled me each surprise moment,its in those mistakes i made and got scolded,its in those sleepless nights when i wished for someone to tell me a story for a lifetime,its in those delicious dishes my mother made and i licked it plain,its in those fights i had in which i cried and could not defend myself,its in those sunday mornings when i went grocery with my father with my little toy trolley,its in those homework i did,in those drawings i made,its in those clothes i wore and made them my life,its in those cushions i cudled while watching my favourite cartoon on cartoon network,its in those falls i had when i wounded myself and was sad for my body to have gotten hurt and for the blood which flew oozingingly,its in those hugs and kisses my grandmother and grandfather gave me when payed a visit,its in those bags which i bought with me to the shopping mall,its in those desires i had which never got fulfilled,its in those questions i asked and wondered all day,its in those games i played during the holidays and won alone and cheered for my scores,its in those trips to the zoo where i saw animals and wished to have fed them,its in those books i read and read and found a new story each time,its in those talks i had with god when everyone slept and prayed for a better morning and a more easy one,its in those hot baths i had early mornings,its in those swimming pools i played and wished to stay in water forever,its in those droppings on my clothes when i went to restaurant and didnt eat properly,its in those breaths i had when i was ill and felt happy being at home all day,its in everything..
my childhood is boat and its still waiting to sail..

visit to secrets

Secrets are one treasure-like sayings which make us either to conceal or too secretive.

they are roads to curiosity,u want to either know them or either keep them till the last day..

but they are very important in our minds and souls,

they somehow teach us the correct meaning of mistakes and deeds,

some teach us the patience of situations,

some teach us the change of view of someone or the other,

and some are there with us throughout,

sometimes we know the truth but we are bound to keep quite and not let it out,some truths are there just for destructions of unity and well-being..

each of us whether young or old have soo much hidden inside us,

little little secrets and the big big ones as well,

we realise that one day we have to let all out and if we have to then why do we keep them for such long durations?who are we hidding it from?

its a human mind afterall,cant argue with its temperments,

they are at times impossible and at times digestable..

secrets are like medicines,they can either cure u or either destroy u,

when we keep lots of things inside us we tend to bend to pain and insecurity,

these hidden treasures are not always as valuable as they seem to be,they arent so great that we have to give its hard glow on our lives,

we have to throw them into the sea and forget about them,cause some treasures are not ours,actually no ones..

She turns ten,my little princess..

She is now a big girl,
finally ten years old on the 8th of september,
what a journey so far,i still remember that little pink blossom in my arms sleeping peacefully..
and today a big girl she is,tall and beautiful forever..
time has changed,so strong and modest she has become with so much of confidence and knowledge and she is fearless of the coming up challenges,good job i think in my mind,
this is our youth,the one who will rise and bring us fruits of creativity and freshness..
she has kept me in the thought of her small little hands now becoming in shape and she a lady,
i miss those childhood days when i use to admire her all day long,her johnson baby lotion and her fragrant smell,my god what a child she was,
may god give her all the happiness in the world,with all the strength and power to make her duties right and always stay small and adorable,
i dont want her to grow up too fast..
love u my angel..

A Bath Through The Rays

How beautiful it is to see the rays passing through u,on the rays i see my life focus like a projector running picture after picture,

i drove pass the bay of rays one afternoon and then i realised i saw a reflection i was waiting for,

have u ever seen the rays and felt like u have had a bath or they went pass through u making u feel like an open book?must have i believe cause i have felt it,

an afternoon after heavy rain,when the sun comes out for its welcome is when u realise the warmth in the air,till before u were enjoying those cool breeze and the chills through ur nose,the moody mood for a nap and some hot snacks comes to an end when he comes with its soldiers,the rays..

i felt like some part of my body feels light and recalled,

i closed my eyes and heard my heartbeats and felt as though the feelings in me are valueless to the phase i am going through,my eyes streched all along and when i lost sight i hummed the sound of light and its beauty so new that for once i forgot myself and lived a moment of shine.

i understand the importance of nature as i want to serve what i wish to,

as our days pass,nature shows its colours and none of us can go against it,bow down and accept either its good or bad,

so does it allow us to stop the happiness of someone's gift if we cant get it?

its a sin if we do so,our views are there and will be ours forever but someone's gift's right is never ours and we can never take it for them even it is not suitable for us,

its theirs and they one day or the other had to achieve it so they have now our senses tell us not to allow them to let them take it we start our charts of comments,i have realised that each of us and everyone of us has some dreams and wishes,some of these wishes are granted and some take time to be granted..

but all will be afterall,one day...

Jolly for Life

The year is coming to an end soon,singapore's national day together with india and pakistan's independence days are coming up this august,looking back,a history of freedom has been granted to nations and all free for their lives and we celebrate it by being a part of it,respect and relief it gives to the citizens of that country or nation and proud u feel for have served in some way or the other.Staying in a country for over a long time gives us a whole book of experiences and tasks,so much happens,comes and goes and we play with it like puppets.Afterall thats what makes u a human of right and wrong,if u dont see the world from the nearest eyes then a wider picture shall swallow u one day..
Many occasions have passed by and i have grasped quite lot of it,being a silent observer it gives me great pleasure to hear,respond and sense the clues around me hidden in words,stories,tears and laughter.
I feel like a magnet without magnetism,but full of force and gravity,so much of absorption and less of reduction,the right usage of my world is my sharp eyes which not only take also give a lend.
We go around seeing the new part of the story and trying to make some practical conclusions out of it but how successful we get depends of the reasons we give ourselves,many times when we sit in a group of chats we try to argue with some facts of the others which might not be suitable for us but gives the others happiness,so shall be for once make a shallow heart and compromise or shall we be like others strong and stubborn,cause if its not my cup of tea so wont be urs,
thats rude i believe,though i have a fixed view i believe that give ur opinion first as a relative and then as a friend,only then will u and the person make a correct movement out of that topic,sometimes situations are such that being practical is like being nonsencical,afterall u have to think from the heart and mind not only from one component,
I hear new accounts in the walk,
so much of extra information that now i am getting aware of the future state and conditions,
looks like the year ahead shall bring some gloomy fireworks..

Jungle of Tears

A Jungle,

so big,so wide,so long and unlasting,

u can forever run ahead and never turn back to come home cause its a place where u loose ur distance and get lost.

Its the same for tears,

We can caught in them and never realize how deeply lost we get in them and their flow,

so salty and wet they are just like a jungle early in the morning..

How do we get caught in them without a reason>not possible,there has to be some heavy thud behind the net..

So unbearable it gets when we are confused,engaged,caught and there is no way out.

a trap is circularly rounded around our lives and we cant get out of it till there's no miracle.

A pal inside me always says that when there is no miracle,there is a source above it and its a dark roomed sunshine.

where is comes from is from the evil inside the mind,hidden somewhere there..

it always speaks when we dont want it to and its because of the burning voices which trap us in pain so deeply that we get caught in the jungle of tears without even realizing its inhale,and we cant exhale as its too late,something similar to a smoking puff once it touches ur lips u just cant resist its existance.

the same for them,they just flow and flow and stop only when u want them to...

Green Petals

Dew on them,lightly resting in sleep for its their turn,the petals wake up soon moving alittle ,the sun has swallowed the moon and the rays bright,
the time has arrive,i hear new things,new views,how amazing the minds are..
Michael Jackson died yesterday,
a news i heard in sleep and then stood up in shock,
People come and go,birth gives happiness,new hopes,glad heartbeats but death gives sorrows,traumas,heartache and a movement very painful to attempt.
he was a good singer,a man who helped got disgraced and also claimed,
he has seen success,he has seen failures and also unconditional love,
what a man he must have felt of himself when he use to face the mirror in the morning,the fame the beauty,the money,the words,the notes,wow..
when his heart rate stopped,how many things he must be wanting to do,
he planned so much,
maybe he wanted to say
maybe he wanted to buy his last meal..
so much..
he has left the world with a history of sound and voice and so much talent..
god bless hiim always..

Clueless Creativity

Silence is one of the most sensitive points in life,they speak right in the eyes straight and sound.I have never seen such beautiful eyes,so pure,so radiant,full of life hidden behind the lashes,behind they walls of the eyes there is a hidden story,there is noone here who is so close,your city is so strange shows something and teaches the taught.I dont know what will happen next but i know i will see more and more and so much that it would be hard to count the experiences.Turn back and see what you have left the good,the beautiful and the torture,there is so much to hold in the bucket but the amount is nowhere.
Once when you forget to close ur book and the ink mark the night follows and the flow goes by what is left is the same empty page and the dried ink bottle,its the same when an incident breaks you and by morning all the tears are dried up.
On the forehead of the sky,there is a bay of hopes,
a row of tears and a kingdom of pain.

Bleeding Penny

Look through a coin,a silver or gold plated penny,
whats its value in this current world?
nothing,one cant even buy a bottle of water with that,but go back history,turn the clock,change your mind and walk down the road of war,when the world began,there were souls so pure and fresh,they knew only one word and that was 'love',where is now?
its alive lovers say,but i am not talking about romeo and julliet i am talking about loving one another,the care,the humanity,the generosity,our youth has forgotten it,
its all about money!!
a young man,a young lady they grow up to compete and see who will earn the most,who will live with fame and pride and who will live with a job to less to fulfill his dreams and leisures,
this is the current history,
the previous one also shared the same trait,people killed each other for money,for overwhelmed poverty and so much of hunger.
He didnt know that his penny will make his world a diaster,
i look in the eyes of the little children,the old,the soldiers who died for their country and who are still willing too,what do they want?
they want a happy family,a father with shoulder,a mother with food,a house with shelter,but it costs,
it needs lots of pennies,
we all run and run,
for the countless happiness hidden in notes of fates,
we have now moved ahead,
we have only become materialistic,greedy,frustrated,competitive and cunningly automatic all we want is a rich life,
dinners,brands and pleasure,
we dont want values,we dont want religion,they just waste our time,
No they dont i say,
cause at the end of the road there is just a bleeding penny twisting itself round and round....

Twist Of Taste

I taste mangoes this summer,some taste soda,some taste jellies,some taste puddings,some taste sugar,some taste the chillness of water,some taste the wind,some taste ice-creams,some taste ice,some taste mix of everything and some tasteless,

Twist is hidden in every delight and every in weather,in its every fruit,in its falling and increasing of unpredictable temperature,

Its so unique to see such a beauty,

when we move on in life,these small wonders become opaque and we loose their importance,so its very important to treasure and pleasure them,

if not they wont please u as well,

these are nature's kings,and have their control when its their turn so u love them they treat u,u hate them they bite u and if u hate them they beat u,

you and i are like moons,

we change our taste with our moods and everyday this pattern follows just like the moon,

we cant stick with one,we need a twist of taste,

and thats why we love our favourites so muchh!!

Doorway to a box of luck~

Rise up and see the sun,so strong and bright,its rays being so conscious about their beauty that they only shine when its the time to,

All of us wake up and see the sun and hope to see a day full of success and no flaws,some pray for their presentations to go well,some pray for their dealers to be more trading,some hope for their bosses good mood,doctors pray for good health,lawyers for more cases to solves,nurses for lesser patients,teachers for all homework to be done,pilots for a good weather ahead,vets for cure,nouns for peace,politicians for more money,drivers for more passengers and students for no homework and just funn,and the day goes on for soo many other people in different fields and with different jobs from the smallest to the most professional ones,and all are just finding the doorway to a box of luck where is everything available,

once we find it we are over the moon some say and some say we fiind heaven on earth,

its important we all know but is so important that we forget to live the good moments of live?is it worth loosing family values?is it worth loosing your temper at loved ones after the hardworking day?is it worth all the sleep?is it worth all the nervousness?is it worth loosing a moment of prayer?is it worth loosing all those events we miss due to the run for luck??

No its not worth at all,yes its the materialistic century agreed 100%but not so intense till i loose everything but only gain fame,

Queen Of Time

Queen Of Time,
She is a lady of no limitations,no rules,no stoppage,no stigmas,no egos hidden behind the tissues,no rescues,no flaws,no ambitions,no goals,no expectations,no mood swings,no sweats,no chills,no sickness,no goosebums,no desires,no wants,no needs,no illusions,no silver shades,no lies,no truths,no secrets,no aims,no thirst,no hunger emerging inside,no diasters,no weathers to sing about,
what is she?
She is the Queen of Time who has a life of nothing but oxygen..
She wakes up with rays of sunlight and a bath of water,
And moves out,where and why she doesnt knoe but only knows that her job is to save the world,
she is so pure from in and out that when u look at her a smile just comes with joy,
She cant be resisted cause u want to be under her embrace,under her arms of love,under her care and under her shelter,
u feel complete when u cry on her shoulder when ur rejected by the people and are left alone to those black marks on the skin,she comes running with her magic to heal them so that they dont hurt in time,she is neither rich nor poor,she is a bank of health,
She prays for the crops and washes seeds with her hands,
she knows nothing about heaven or hell but cares of good,
she is practical beyond a stingy man,
she lives in this century with the right traits and education,
she is like everyone who walks down the street with bursting music and non-focused smses on the view,
she is like everyone and she is everywhere,
she eats,sleeps,watches t.v and dances her legs down,
so whats so special about her ask u?
She is special cause she loves u..

I Go Twice Around The World But still Cant Find The Hopes

I go back down the years,

and see a picture like a painter looking up at the sky for colours,and then i see it more closely,with feelings,with emotions and with a hope of the lost answers and questions and try to gain them once again,though i cant stop or either hold it,it shares the same trait as a human,but i can catch a recap in my dream so that i clear that bee buzzing somewhere around my ears,i end the buzz with a journey to the past,i have become older and wider and more ahead of those little feelings i had at that time,now its a different look.how age and society changes ur idea of thinking and mindset in just seconds even before u realise they have done their part fully professionally,but i realised that they could not vanish mine,thanks to my intence power which does not let it be conquered by others,i walk all by myself and motivate my independence,its safe and secure,

it feels so priceless when u know all about everyone,who is what and how is their lives related to urs,like all the birds are urs and their food is kept under ur bed,same here,u knoe their natures and past and present and their secrets are in ur heart locked..

This world has got thrill and adventure hidden in every stone u hit down the road,

so instead i walk down and pick the stones up,collect their stories and read them each night, i wake up to drink the last sip of the glass,dont know if the next morning's sunlight would be deserved,i wont loose a moment to look deep,

A Night For The Bride And Groom

A day for when she dresses for him and he prays for her is what i call a day of beauty and pride called Wedding..
They spend the day of their union by waking up in the morning and bathing in milk from head to heart and the glow on the face is so majestic that no cosmetic can compete,cause its happiness not fakeness,
its like they live to the fullest,the groom dancing under the shower for his endless passion and the bride so shy inside but sad to core cause its the day when she leaves her house,her walls,and her parents who've been her pillars,she is girl afterall has to be sent to her in-laws house one day,
but its so priceless to see those heavy pearls in her eyes and like a chain on her neck,sleek and sparkling,
she takes her oath for a new beginning,of responsibilty and companionship for a lifetime regardless of thorns and needles,its not stop her duty,
and then while she puts on the heavy beaded designed perfectly for her,her wedding dress,blood red just like her blood rushing live inside her,and slowly smiles at the mirror knowing she looks so beautiful but doesnt want her own evil eye..
oh god her such looks drives him crazy,
and then its finally done,the touch-up,the sadness,the happiness and the leaving behind memories,she is off to the wedding hall for the departure..
all those whom she loved and cared for stand in disguise,
a fairy enters and shocks everyone,
her hero is right infront waiting for her,how lovely she could be,he says,"never seen such deep cotton like eyes,full of possession,full of dreams,her tears are dried and now its only the soul which is awake,
her shadow is so mine and mine is so hers,
hands in hands,they are bonded together and prays all,
may they live happily ever after,
love them,and will always pray that may all the evil be burnt and angels be shining their wings over them..

Whatever Wherever

Where should i go,
Who should i make understand,
Why,
When dreams and happiness clash at the same time we cant explain,
its all his game,
and if it has to happen and if it doesnt have to then dont complain people,
cause there must be something good behind a disappointment and thats what we dont look at,afterall we are humans and our minds are a mindset of all those boundries we have set for ourselves and dont let them go beyond.
Whatever says some and the rest Wherever..
and this how we speak,decide and do.
But is it right?
have we given it a positive thought,have we prayed for our decision?
NOO
so thats how we end up being hurt,shattered and completely broken up and feel like dying so soon that even the heartbeat doesnt know,but its not the end,its ok it happened,it suffocated,it hurted and then tears just kept rolling down for hours and hours and then the night ended..
Do me a favour says the mind,once again leave me alone,
i need to rest all by myself,
and see the plan for the morning..
sleep dear..

My World,My Mother...

Dear Mother,

A six letter word for some and a word to precious for the rest.

i love my mother alot and really do,

we say things like i can die for u and stuff,

but how many of us actually mean what we say,no accusions but its to make the other person happy,i have a confession to make i can die for my mother and take out my heart if she ever needs it,she the most precious thing i have ever had and will ever have.

Love u mamajani,

miss u aloot,

i know u are with ur parents now,visiting them and i am happy that ur happy but mama i miss u alot and love u soo much,

my mornings seems fruithless without u,

i wake up without ur hugs and kissess and ur adorable nicknames,

i hope u miss me too my world,

God is great,say people and read to but his greatness is his creation of making a mother and her shadows of love which is priceless,

i see my world,my hopes,my dreams,my life,my future and my soul,

in u i see pureness,

ur my veins,my strength and my will,

without u i am like a burnt carcoal,

ur miles away from me but i can feel ur warmth in the pillow i hug,

i wont write any further cause i wont be able to stop crying,

love u sooo much,

take care dear angel,

god bless u alwayss,

and just enjoy urself..

ur daughter..